Recently while playing a random assortment of music this song popped up and I remembered why I like Relient K.  Have you ever struggled with moving forward in life, taking the blind plunge into the known or unknown?  I know that for 100% fact that I struggle with this, sometimes even on a daily basis.  This is definitely true right now.  The questions of why I am in Morgantown, what purpose am I serving in organization x, y, and z, what are my next steps in life, where am I going are ones that I’ve been asking a lot lately.  Relient K hit the nail on the head when they sing “well every time I gain some ground / I gotta turn myself around again.”  I feel like every time I gain some ground in one area I get smacked farther back than when I started.  What is really getting me is that this forward motion struggle isn’t just affecting the areas I already listed but even my spiritual walk with God.  It seems like lately it has been me leading the way instead of me being God’s hands and feet and letting Him take the helm.  I have really been making a conscience effort lately to open up and bring my all to Him as well as everyone else in my life (trying to be more open and more touchie-touchie feelie-feelie and break through years walls and boundaries that I have built as defense mechanisms) and lately it seems like I have not heard anything back.  I know He is still there and listening and this is my example.  Yesterday I thought I had lost my wallet.  I tore up my room, looking for it in all the usual places and many unusual ones as well.  I even went as far as to call the cafe where I had been the night before and to ask them if they had found it.  I went to class and when I came back proceeded to look everywhere again.  In a fit of anger (yes I do get angry) with myself and the wallet, I called out to God and said “you know, You say that You’re always with me, I feel like I haven’t heard from You at all lately.  If You’re still here, where’s my wallet?”  When I said this I was in the living room and after saying it walked back into my bedroom to begin the 4th or 5th trashing of my room looking for it.  I turned on the closet light and whala, there was my wallet sitting chest level pretty as you please in a spot that I know I had looked at several times that morning.  Furthermore, the time lapse between calling out to God and finding the wallet was less than 5 minutes.

In many ways my experience was like Peter’s when he saw Jesus walking on water.  Peter tested Jesus, telling him to have him walk on the water as well.  Peter stepped out onto the water and walked on it but then became scared and started to sink.  He then cries out to Jesus to rescue him and Jesus pulls him out of the water saying “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”  Yesterday I was Peter.  I challenged God, which I do NOT recommend you do because God can do anything He wants, I mean He did create the universe and literally everything everything that has come with it. (for the full Bible story, click here)

So, what does this have to do with forward motion?  Everything.  No one really knows what their path through life looks like.  The only one who does know is God.  The bumps and turns that we are seeing now may actually be the straight path that He has set for us.  I know that right now my path is covered over with a dense fog which is telling me that there is something that He wants me to learn before I can proceed.  So, if this all sounds way too familiar, like I am in your head reading your thoughts (that’s a creepy idea), then right here and now pray.  Short and simple, long and deep, it doesn’t matter… pray from your heart.

Until next time, Ciao! Ciao!